Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
