Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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