i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
