Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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