What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
