Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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