I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
