Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
