I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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