Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
