The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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