some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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