My sheets look like a crime scene.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
