we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
