I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
