Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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