She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
do herpes really smell.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
