so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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