What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
