As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I want is dick and wine.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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