When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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