Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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