dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
