i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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