All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
