Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i would punch a child for taco bell
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
