after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
