You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
