Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
