Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
