i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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