just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
