Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
