I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
