my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
