you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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