Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
