Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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