lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
