I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
