You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
