ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
