You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
