Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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