my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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