non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
