so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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