the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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