I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
