fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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