My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think my moral compass just broke
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