ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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