had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
