I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
