I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
