can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Damn victory sex feels great
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
